update ninja to 1.13

ninja 1.13 supports jobserver as a client when combined with GNU make 4.4.

We could get rid of the outdated kitware fork to support jobserver.

However we should only use 1.13 when make 4.4 or higher is detected. Otherwise we should still use the kitware version.

Debian trixie has GNU make 4.4 so the CI images should gradually have support for it.

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